I have recently figured something out. Gavin, my oldest, is growing up and acting out. He is argumentative and condescending. Yes, this is learned behavior. He learned it from me. I am opening up here, so hear me out. I have never been a babysitter-type person and, really, the first time I held a baby was after I pushed one out. I worked at a job that required me to be a bit of an asshole and not be pushed around, demanding respect and having authority. Now, making excuses isn't what I am trying to do, but it may come off like that. I have changes a lot from those days, but a part of me will always have that undertone going on.
So, the longer this attitude goes on, the more I realize that he gets his comments and brashness from his Mother. I see that the way I talk to him, in turn, he talks back. I don't try to be this way, in fact I haven't always acted like this, but now I regret it. I find him saying sentences that I have said and notice that he is getting in trouble for his repeating of my own words. Quinten doesn't do these things, in fact he learns from watching and doesn't make the same mistakes. He seems to realize that the Momma and the Brother have similar personalities and are going to do a lot of head butting in the future. Thank goodness for mellow kids!
How do I change this? I would be taking a lot of walks to calm down in this little house. Since David words a lot, I am really a single parent through out the week. This does take a toll of an individual. I keep the house clean (as much as possible), make all the food and do all the other things (including mowing the lawn) that "stay at home moms" are expected to do. Now, I am little OCD-although some of my friends will say I am not. I like things a certain way and mildly loose it when they aren't.
So, I know I need to change. I try to change and pray that God can help me. I wonder what else I have to do in order to change my child's behavior and my own. Some things take time and some don't. Hopefully these things can work themselves out and I can work on my patience and become more chill Mom.
Chicken Cordon Blu
12 years ago
Posts
3 comments:
Wow Melissa, this sounds just like how I feel with Gracie. She has recently started talking to me disrespectfully, and gets admonished from me. But I too, have realized that she is probably talking to me like I talk to her. Now, I understand I am the parent, and sometimes I do need to be harsh to teach a lesson, but I find myself loosing patience about things that Gracie has no control over (being overwhelmed about a list of chores to do, being late for work, Jacob being crabby, noise and constant talking that drives me nuts, etc..). And when I do loose patience I think I say things around her and sometimes to her, that she picks up on...mostly the tone rather than the subject, but still, not very cool when it's coming out of your four-year-old's mouth directed at you. Some days I am constantly asking God for patience and kindness in my heart, but others I let my selfishness, stress, and chaos take over. Anyway, I completely understand what you are saying, and you are not alone! I really wish I could be the mom I was to Grace that had endless patience before Jake was born. How do I do that again? Does it get easier when the kids are a little more grown up? I don't know, but I hope so. Sorry for rambling, but I knew we where kindred spirits for a reason!...we will figure it out together.
I hope you do realize that you are an excellent mother. And I have never watched you with the boys and thought you should do something different. You do an awful lot, without any help, and of course don't receive any credit or thanks. The boys are loved and taken care of, and I believe Gavin feels your mother's love every day! I am very proud of you, and think of you often when I am home so many weeknights alone, tending to the kids and chores, and taking inspiration from you. So keep up the good work, you are doing things right, and we'll work on this together! At the end of the day, we do realize how blessed and lucky we are to have such wonderful and special kids!!
You are gonna make me cry! Thanks for the encouragement. for some reason it is more special from a girlfriend who goes through the same thing then my husband-who doesn't have a clue. I hope this is just a stage and that our kids turn out okay. In fact, I hope our kids turn out better then okay. I hope they turn out to be successful and respectful and wonderful grown ups that any parent would be proud of. I just wish there was a book specifically for that!
I hear you too Melissa. I used to think rather highly of myself. . . The first blow was marriage. I realized what a selfish being I truly am. After 8 years of marriage, we added our first child, and I found that I had a LONG WAY still to go. It is frightening to see my least favorite qualities (fear, impatience, sassy talk) come out in my girls. But if I think about it, it does not surprise me since I passed on my sin nature. I think the best thing we can do is start our days on our knees, asking for the strength and patience to raise our kids to know and serve God. I find the days I do start in prayer go so much smoother. And not necessarily because the girls are better behaved, but my attitude is changed.
And yet somehow most days I "forget" to do this.
Keep on! You are definitely not alone!
Laura Pando ;-D
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